Saturday, March 10, 2001	Go to: S M T W T F S
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Bush tax cut fills the fat cat dish

By Douglas Pike

A millionaire I know is excited at President Bush's call to "restore incentives for success" with big tax cuts to the wealthy. This writer and investor - I'll call him Stuyvesant - is eager to help the economy by helping himself.

"You know, I never went to Vietnam or joined the Peace Corps," he said recently in his luxurious duplex. "So this tax cut is my big chance to do something good for America."

Indeed, his only regret is that George W. isn't giving him even more money to help the nation in its time of need. He's expecting about $20,000 a year in tax relief.

Stuyvie gushed about his plans while an attractive attendant massaged his neck. "I have sworn off eating at home in favor of dining out every night," he said. "That will help the bottom line at The Fountain Room and Le Bec-Fin." He added, "The 120-foot yacht I'm buying, to be christened Trickle Down, will provide a living wage for a staff of five."

He'll also try hard to jump-start the global economy. "I'm spending April in Rio, July on Nantucket, October in Italy, Christmas in Bali - always flying first-class and staying at the best places," he said.

"And you're supporting the health-care economy by getting a face-lift and some lipo, right darling?" said the masseuse. "That's right," he smiled. "And I'm taking a tax break on that."

Something of a late-bloomer socially, Stuyvesant will invest some of his windfall in social-climbing at better black-tie balls on both coasts. "I'll be associating myself with only the best diseases and museums from now on," he sniffed. "That means jobs for doctors, curators and janitors."

Since President Bush has stressed lower tax rates as a spark to people's "entrepreneurial spirit," I asked Stuyvesant about that. He blanched slightly and said that with so much tax relief, he would work less and play more. "I may just retire," he said, "Frankly, ever since Mom left me so much in her will, I haven't had as much will to work."

While he likes and appreciates the Bush plan for tax relief, he prays the Republicans will improve it. "Why not make it retroactive to the beginning of 2000?" he mused. "That would soften the sting of my stock losses last year."

Stuyvie also insists that every martini of his "business" lunches at Striped Bass and The Palm should be tax-deductible. "A partial write-off is morally wrong," he seethed. "And let's get rid of the minimum tax - that sounds as creepy as 'the death tax,' doesn't it?"

He conceded that his extras would make the Bush tax cut cost a tad more. "But they'll help me help America," he said. "Besides, $2 trillion isn't what it used to be."